The Hate List – Volume 13

(Originally published on 2nd May, 2005)

  1. Student-produced magazines which use 47 different fonts.
  2. The 15 people out of a million who buy products from email spammers, providing them profit and incentive to continue spamming. These people must be rounded up, stripped naked, and released into a forest. I will then enter the forest, armed with a variety of assault weaponry, and the Games will begin.
  3. Use of the words ‘regular’ to mean ‘frequent’ and ‘steady’ to mean ‘quite slow’.
  4. The tendency, and I’m guilty of it myself, to get annoyed when something good-but-not-well-known which you like, suddenly becomes popular with lots of people. And then to try to claim some kudos for being into it before it got big. It’s particularly despicable, because the only people who deserve any credit are the people who created it – the band members, comedians, etc. A fan doesn’t deserve any for happening to stumble over it a short while before other people. However, since I admitted that I’m guilty myself:
  5. David Blaine. And I’m not jumping on the ‘I hate David Blaine’ bandwagon here. I hated David Blaine YEARS before everyone else hated David Blaine.
  6. Maturity – a concept invented by girls to put a good spin on the fact that they’re not funny.
  7. When you open a link in an email on Hotmail, it opens within a Hotmail frame which says ‘To return to Hotmail, close this browser window’. It gives no instructions, or link, for you to get rid of the fucking Hotmail frame, as if the only possible site you’d ever wish to visit is Hotmail. All others are aberrations which Hotmail is eager to pull you away from, back to the one and only Hotmail. If there is an option to disable this, I haven’t found it. Even if there is, the designer who set this as default deserves only death.
  8. When you keep catching someone’s eye accidentally in a room full of people, even though you’re probably looking at the others just as much. You become paranoid that this other person thinks you’re staring at them or even fancy them. The effect is even worse when you HAVE been looking at them disproportionately, but only because you find them incredibly ugly or freakish in some way. Or the worst of both possibilities combined, when they’re almost attractive, and probably think they are, but there’s something subtly wrong with their face, which you’ve been trying to identify.
  9. The greatest widely-accepted moral lie of our times, the idea that ‘everyone is equal’. If you take a relatively weak interpretation such as, ‘everyone should be treated equally’, that’s fair enough: equal pay for equal work, no purely racial or social barriers to education or jobs, and so on. But there are a dangerous number of people who believe that ‘everyone is of equal value’. Now, either the value of a person is defined such that that’s true, in which case the statement is meaningless; or the value of a person is calculated from their empirical qualities and abilities, in which case the statement is verifiably false.
  10. Special provisions for people who are unsuitable for a certa